One child.
One soon to be husband.
One rental home.
Four animals.
No job.
At his point in my life I'm not exactly where I thought I would be. But I'm not dissatisfied either. We all dream of different accomplishments we will have reached by the time we are in our 20's. Of course, at the age of 15, 25 seems lifetimes away! I thought by now I would have finished college, bought my own home, been married and all sorts of other age appropriate goals. I've done a little of this whole plan backwards. I had my child before I got married and truth be told I wouldn't have it any other way. Jay and myself have done a lot of things backwards, but it seems to be how we work. We work best going against the grain, bucking trends and following our hearts.
Lately I've been feeling sorry for myself- I keep putting time limits on my dreams. I should have done this by now, or jesus why haven't I accomplished this or that. How is it that so many other people my age have done a certain thing and I can't seem to get the where with all to do it myself?
Society dictates that to be a successful adult you should have a college degee, own your own home, own your own car, and make the big bucks! What if you still don't know what you want to do as a "career" though? Then what? I really enjoy being a mother, it fills every need I have excluding bringing in a pay check. So how do I remedy this?
If there is one thing I've learned in life so far it is to dream big, and not to give up! What good does it do me to feel sorry for myself and compare my accomplishments to others? NONE! I'm being financially responsible and that means that we don't go on vacation, that we don't go out to eat, that our wedding will have foil wedding bands and handmade flowers from recycled products! And there isn't anything wrong with that! Why? Because I'm happy and I'm giving my family all of myself. I'm lucky enough to be able to do that. I'm dedicating myself to engaging with Harvey all day, by taking walks with my younger brother, by cleaning my house so that when Jay comes home we can enjoy one another.
If I'm to make my mark in this world- what better way to do it then to make a human being with excellent morals and a fantastic inner compass! I'm helping to shape a new human being for the human race! Score one for momma!
And at the end of the day, my BIG dreams don't even require that I have a college degree. College is going to teach me how be the best mother I can be. A degree isn't going to get up every morning and tend to the garden that will feed my family. A degree won't give the alpaca farm I hope to have the love it needs to thrive. A degree won't spin the wool to make the yarn that I will sell. A degree won't wake up at 6 AM to make breakfast for the guests at my bed and breakfast. A degree won't give my children the memories that our farm will. A degree won't teach my children the taste of a warm tomato from the garden. A degree won't give them the glee of a summer day with mom and dad at the zoo.
I am the best gift I could give to Harvey. My dreams are the gift I will some day give myself.
