The perfect toast

I'm sitting here at 6:47 this morning feeling incredibly accomplished. I peed alone this morning- that in itself is a serious treat! I did all of the dishes in the sink that have been screaming at me for well over a week. I made a pot of coffee and poured all of its dark deliciousness into my favorite mug.

Side note on my mug- I recently purchased this mug on our trip across America. If you've read my previous blog you will note that I visited a little diner in Fort Collins by the name of Silver Grill. Again I will remind you of how much you are missing out on by not eating their cinnamon rolls- spend the 1,000 dollars it takes to get out there just to eat one. You will not be disappointed. You may never come back home. You may decide that that is the only cinnamon roll you'll ever eat again. And you know what? Not one person would blame you. You're family may throw you a giant party because of it!

Okay- back to the mug. Have you ever been to one of these "older" diners and had a mug that just keeps and keeps your coffee warm? It's this perfect thickness, it's a solid mug. Much unlike the free, yard sale, or clearance mugs that currently inhabit my cabinets. It's a dream come true mug. It's a mug that makes me think I'm living a real life novel. I am sitting at my kitchen table, though I should be showering,  and I'm drinking this amazing coffee out of a mug that will keep it warm until next tuesday!

Before I got to drinking my delicious coffee this morning I had to eat. I'm not one of those people that can just nurse a beverage in the morning and "feel full". I need food. I need food as soon as I wake up. I try and tell myself that it is because I'm still nursing and requiring the extra 500 calories a day. Who am I kidding? As long as I can remember I have always been all about food. My day is planned around when my next meal is. I have long been in love with food. So I make toast this morning.

Sunday morning at The Coffee Pot

For 24 years, I've been doing it wrong. A few months ago- with the help of our great friends AJ and Sam, we found The Coffee Pot. It is another local place that makes me feel like I'm living the dream. The place is tiny. I mean tiny. It's run by a mother and daughter and a cook. Period. That's it. No more, no less. The dining area consists of a little bar butted up against the coffee station, four tables, and three booths. The walls are a Thomas Kincaid green and everything looks lived in. You feel at home when you walk in. We go there mostly for the home fries because they sprinkle magic into them. MAGIC. I don't know what it is they do that make them crispy and soft at the same time. I don't know what kind of onion they use that gives it this amazing flavor.  But they do it, and they do it all with finesse. We occasionally order toast, and thanks to Jason I now know the secret.

How many of you just toss that toast in on a medium setting, eagerly await that terrible pop that sends you through the roof, spread on your solid of choice and go on with your day? All of you? I thought so. I too used to be a one pop kind of girl. And then I ate toast at The Coffee Pot. You'll smack yourself for not knowing this. Crank that toaster to a lower setting- let's say a two or light depending on your toaster. Push that lever down and let her rip, but when it pops- TURN THE TOAST AND DO IT AGAIN!

That's it?!?!?! That is the BIG secret that all of these diners have been doing to make their toast better than mine??! You better believe it.

Now- go forth and make toast. I've got a trip to IKEA calling my name.

What America Taught Us

The Rockies and My Family

I'm alive!! Believe it or not! And two teeth later I'm finding the few precious moments in the day to write a post. We recently got back from our trip across america- Yes thats right. Trip across America. We drove our little selves from Cleveland to Denver. Six days total of driving.

I think we all learned a little something about ourselves this trip. 

Harvey learned that he reaches his breaking point at 12 hours in a vehicle. He also learned that no matter what mommy and daddy are trying to do- he always wins. We thought that going to visit the wildlife park would be an excellent idea. A one mile walkway with nothing on it- you just get to enjoy the animals from above. I don't think Harvey enjoyed much of it at all. We made it about 100 ft in when he started whimpering. Around the half mile mark we had gone from soft screams to a full on breakdown. You'd have thought Jason and myself were escaping from one of the animals. Our legs moved so quickly that I'm almost positive they were a blur beneath our feet. We bobbed and weaved through the crowds with such fluidity- I felt like a super hero. Here we are, zooming past these animals at light speed- and do you know what? Jason still has the where with all to snap some pictures! JOB WELL DONE!

Jason learned about the glories of IKEA. I'm not sure how great or terrible this is. It's opened up our wallets to another one of those "but it's so fairly priced" splurges. We spent a total of four glorious hours roaming the gargantuan building. As my aunt says "I"m almost positive their parking garage is bigger than the airports". Harvey was in baby heaven, I wore him in the moby and he slept blissfully for almost the entirety. We filled our cart to the max almost as soon as we walked in- of course we did? Have you been to an IKEA? Have you had your eyeballs just overloaded and you automatically think you need everything you see???? WE SURE DID! Thank goodness we always re-evaluate our cart before we head to the checkout. What was I going to do with a decorative salad bowl? How many dinner parties do I really have? Do I really need 5 tea light lanterns? In the first three hours you need everything, the fourth hour you try and convince yourself whether or not these are things you NEED or things you just WANT SO BADLY YOU COULD DIE?

It was tough- but we even left under budget. We're going to the one in Pittsburgh sometime this week to get more things.

Silver Grill Cafe in Fort Collins, CO

And lastly- myself. What did I learn while on vacation? I learned that I love to feel at home wherever I am. I'm not one of those people that like to go to all of the swanky restaurants while vacationing. I like to find the diner that has been rocking out since the 1930's and sit down with the locals. Stick me where no one else thinks to go. That is where I'm happiest. I want to talk to people. I met so many people, heard so many stories. I also got to hear stories from Jason. We spent nearly 90 hours on the road the past week- and the majority of that time we got to talk to one another. When was the last time you sat down with your spouse and just enjoyed one another? Not the television, not the radio, just one another. It was glorious. I got to fall in love with him all over again. Lucky lucky me.  

I'm normally not one to boast- but I will be boastful about my boys. I have such beautiful men in my life! How did I ever get this lucky? 

So all in all- I learned I love to feel like I've always been someplace. Harvey learned that his parents love him more than anything they ever thought they'd do. Jason learned that IKEA really is what it's all about.








PS: One thing we all learned- Silver Grill has the most amazing cinnamon rolls on earth.

You will never find another one like it.

Living the Dream or Dreaming to live?

24 years old.
One child.
One soon to be husband.
One rental home.
Four animals.
No job.

At his point in my life I'm not exactly where I thought I would be. But I'm not dissatisfied either. We all dream of different accomplishments we will have reached by the time we are in our 20's. Of course, at the age of 15, 25 seems lifetimes away! I thought by now I would have finished college, bought my own home, been married and all sorts of other age appropriate goals. I've done a little of this whole plan backwards. I had my child before I got married and truth be told I wouldn't have it any other way. Jay and myself have done a lot of things backwards, but it seems to be how we work. We work best going against the grain, bucking trends and following our hearts.

Lately I've been  feeling sorry for myself- I keep putting time limits on my dreams. I should have done this by now, or jesus why haven't I accomplished this or that. How is it that so many other people my age have done a certain thing and I can't seem to get the where with all to do it myself?

Society dictates that to be a successful adult you should have a college degee, own your own home, own your own car, and make the big bucks! What if you still don't know what you want to do as a "career" though? Then what? I really enjoy being a mother, it fills every need I have excluding bringing in a pay check. So how do I remedy this?

If there is one thing I've learned in life so far it is to dream big, and not to give up! What good does it do me to feel sorry for myself and compare my accomplishments to others? NONE! I'm being financially responsible and that means that we don't go on vacation, that we don't go out to eat, that our wedding will have foil wedding bands and handmade flowers from recycled products! And there isn't anything wrong with that! Why? Because I'm happy and I'm giving my family all of myself. I'm lucky enough to be able to do that. I'm dedicating myself to engaging with Harvey all day, by taking walks with my younger brother, by cleaning my house so that when Jay comes home we can enjoy one another.

If I'm to make my mark in this world- what better way to do it then to make a human being with excellent morals and a fantastic inner compass! I'm helping to shape a new human being for the human race! Score one for momma!

And at the end of the day, my BIG dreams don't even require that I have a college degree. College is going to teach me how be the best mother I can be. A degree isn't going to get up every morning and tend to the garden that will feed my family. A degree won't give the alpaca farm I hope to have the love it needs to thrive. A degree won't spin the wool to make the yarn that I will sell. A degree won't wake up at 6 AM to make breakfast for the guests at my bed and breakfast. A degree won't give my children the memories that our farm will.  A degree won't teach my children the taste of a warm tomato from the garden. A degree won't give them the glee of a summer day with mom and dad at the zoo.

I am the best gift I could give to Harvey. My dreams are the gift I will some day give myself.

We made it!

Okay, so one of the hardest days of my life are over. I championed watching Darek graduate. It seemed like a movie. There was no way that at the end of this my little baby brother was going to be done with high school, but alas- here he is. A graduate.

And now that he is a graduate, he gets to hang out at the house with me and Harvey every day. It has been amazing. I'm so thankful that his heart is so big. All Harvey has to do is whine and Darek is on it. Scoops him right up and runs for me- "Nae, I think he wants you!"

Harvey has recently discovered his tongue, making handing him to strangers a gamble. Is he going to lick their face? Is he going to suck their shoulder? Some people aren't as clean as a parent may like them to be when handing over their new baby. It's been an adventure so far.

Another new discovery is that he can indeed make sound outside of crying. He has mastered these short Huh Huh Huh sounds- one right after the other, at four in the morning, when he really wants mommy to just pay attention. I'm in love. So many amazing new things that he can do, and that now Darek gets to experience daily!

Stay tuned for a more updated post...I'm writing this during a quick diaper change while daddy is here! Early bedtime= more posts :)

Coming to terms with growing up...

Coming to terms with Harvey growing up has been a little harder to deal with then I imagined.  Of course I realized that he would get larger, but who was going to tell me how quickly that happened! We've already mastered the first four months of life and he has doubled his weight and added 6 inches to his height. Holy cow! SLOW DOWN! I just got used to seeing you smile, and now you're tossing in the coo's, AND rolling over?!

At this age he is doing something new almost every day. A huge part of me loves it and a small part of me is in hysterics. Harvey was going to grow up, that much I've always known. What I didn't know was the changes that would take place in myself . Sure, we all have some idea of what having children will do to us, but for the most part that all is focused on outside things.

We all know that you're sleep becomes a lot more staggered once you have an infant- but what people don't tell you is that you're waking up because you care so much you might burst if you can't look at them for another minute.

As a parent, maybe you don't shower as often as you used to- but it doesn't matter because you know in your heart of hearts that your spouse and baby could care less whether your arm pits smell and your hair looks like a pack of wild animals have been nesting in it. Each and every morning they will still roll over and look at you with as much love and adoration as they have since the beginning.

As a parent you don't spend so many nights out- but the nights in mean so much more that you no longer wish you were out! I could care less whether I make it to a movie theater in the next 50 years because spending a night at home listening to Harvey squeal and watching Jay just ooze with pride means more to me. A walk around the block with my family gives me more satisfaction than a fancy dinner and show ever could.

As a parent that pile of laundry may get really large before you commit to washing it all- but the dirty clothes mean so much less. Even when you have an extra person that goes through more outfits in three minutes then you used to when trying to find an outfit to go out on the town with.

And most importantly- as a parent, your heart grows to sizes you never imagined possible. You care in ways you had no idea you were capable of. The smallest things that used to set you off are completely meaningless now, and they are meaningless because you now have something so precious that you must care for. Our house is full of smiles, laughes and newly discovered sounds. I have lived for this time. To some people there is that "my best year was...", well for me the best YEARS of my life just started. The best part about it is that until my dying day I will be a mother. I guess that means I've got the rest of my life to enjoy the best day of my life.

What matters in life...

Yesterday I had a sister day. Me and my lovely older sister went out for lunch and just some time together. It seems like the older you get the harder it is to "find the time" to do the things that you love. Why is it that when you were 10 it seemed like the day literally took a lifetime to end, but once you hit adulthood the days seem to literally end in the blink of an eye? Life is incredible in that sense. You really never know how much you love something until it is gone.
My sister and I got to discussing financial situations and what our dreams are for our futures. And after a nice long drink from my iced coffee and readjusting my arm that had fallen asleep after little man decided that it was best to sleep sitting up in moms arms I realized something. Money is worthless. I have never been a materialistic person. It just isn't in my nature. I've always been happiest at home, but with that stinky adulthood came these expectations. Not ones that I had put on myself, but ones that are bore into your brain from when you are little. Stupid things like- you have to buy a house. Do I? Really do I? I HAVE to buy a house? That's what is going to complete my life and make it absolutely 100% whole? Because from where I'm sitting, trying to buy a house right now seems like it would be much more of a headache then just living in our little duplex rental.
I like how people have told me that I'm "flushing my career down the drain" by deciding to be a stay at home mom. Well- here's the deal. There is NO job that is more rewarding then raising your child and doing it on your terms. Had I decided to go back to work yes we could have had more money, but the truth of the matter is that it would have been maybe an extra 200 dollars after all was said and done. I'd have 200 extra dollars for NOT being with my family and working 9 hour days at a place that didn't make me feel like I had accomplished anything at the end of the day.

Being at home, having less money has done more for our family then money ever could. You know what happens when you don't have money? You can't be lazy and order in. You have to cook dinner as a family. What a concept! What happens when you do not have the money to go to the movies? Why you stay home and play board games, or paint, or draw, or read! You do things like going for walks. I think my decision was one of the best I could have ever made. I made the decision to erase an entire salary from our lives and gained a whole new appreciation and understanding for what we are as a family unit. We talk, we enjoy one another. And you know what, I love it.

How did we get here?

It's been too long since I've updated! The days have just gotten away from me I suppose.  The days, or just my time in general. Isn't it crazy how quickly time can get away from you? And when you want it to fly most it just drags on and on. This past weekend we took senior pictures for my brother- senior pictures. My sweet tiny brother is now going to be a high school graduate. WHAT?!?!  How in the hell did that happen?

Let me begin with saying that my little brother is the light of my life. He is special in every single way imaginable. For those of you who aren't familiar with my family he may look like any other 19 year old but he is far from it. He has some mental delays and falls into many spectrums of the autism department. He loves history and equality. He cares deeply for those around him and is so affectionate. He will still hold my hand in the grocery store. This is the essence of my little brother- kindness personified.

 And in just a few weeks I'm going to be watching him walk across that stage in his cap and gown. My face will be ridiculously contorted, I'll have an inhuman breathing pattern and to say I will be sobbing is an understatement. I can't believe we have finally made it here. Blink, and you are really truly missing it. Life just zooms past you.
How am I going to react to Harvey reaching this stage in his life? I'm sure it is going to be just as hard. Part of you rejoices that they've made it this far. That they are in one piece and have become a well rounded individual while the other half of you is so upset that they aren't that toothless little ball of baby in your arms any more. But what can you do? Look at them and smile, there's no stopping it. I just better make sure I don't blink.