Coming Home

Welcome Home Harvey!

Now what...

Is it okay that we got home and I just stared at him? My god, he's so small and so big at the same time. 9 lbs 3oz and a whopping 22 inches. In my mind it sounds huge. I think mostly because my body is now permanently ready for a child of his size to inhabit it. But here, in this moment in his little carseat he is so tiny. So sweet. So quiet. I'm going to relish every second of his infancy. At this point in time, I'm still considering going back to work. After my 8 weeks that is. At this point in time, I am taking three minute showers because it hurts too bad to stand up any longer than that. 

What an amazing journey motherhood is already, with so much to learn all at once and not one book in the world can prepare you for your own child. Each one with different quirks and screams! How was I ever going to be one of those mothers that knows what each scream means? Because let me tell you something, every scream in the begining is as terrifying as the last and all you want is for it to be soothed and have a happy smiling baby in your arms! Lucky for me I have one of the happiest babies on the planet- in my opinion at least. From day one he has been smiling. I don't know why and I'm not going to question it, rather just encourage every single itty bitty smile I can!  The first night that we had him home we of course had a sleepless night. Anticipation of what was ahead of us and just sheer giddiness at having him outside of my womb. 

It is amazing what instincts can and will dictate. My body and mind flew into action, functioning on next to no sleep and my hands finding their way to him and tending to his needs. Not to say that it was always perfect and that I was always on top of everything that was going on. I recall the first diaper change in the middle of the night- I didn't turn the light on, did not want him to have to wake all the way up just for a diaper change.  As I am gingerly holding his tiny feet in between my fingers and wiping his little bottom so carefully he starts screaming and I'm immediately scared that I've hurt him. It's still dark as ever in there and I'm feeling around for the nighlight so that I can see what is going on. He is peeing all over himself, in his ears, all over his face! THE HORROR!!! I just made my child piss all over himself!!! This quick midnight diaper swap just went from simple to serious in a matter of 10 seconds. EEEEWWWWW!!!! So now I'm wiping his entire body down, getting in that massive chunky neck and doing his least favorite thing in the world. Changing his clothes. 

I guess I can understand the terror of a shirt being pulled over your head when you have no way to find comfort in knowing your world will return to you as soon as it makes it over your eyes! He screams until he's not breathing and his little eyes are squeezed as tight as they can possibly get. Talk about heart breaking! But after I change him and scoop him up to my face so that I can whisper to him that every thing is okay- he stops crying. He's stops crying because he knows he is safe in these arms of mine! ( Okay, so it could be that the clothes changing was over and he no longer had to be on his back.)