Early Days

I made a point of asking Jay this weekend what he remembered most about Harvey's early days. His response was simple and two parted. "A whole lot of shit and him sleeping non-stop" Not shit like, there are so many things I can't pick one, but literally shit. His feces. 

I think in the moment it's hard to appreciate all of the little things he is doing that you aren't even going to realize you miss until they are already gone. I for one, miss the sleeping thing as well. I don't miss him sleeping all day because right now I'm enjoying ever minute that he is awake and trying new things, rather I miss him curling up on my chest and falling asleep without prompting and coaxing. He would just curl his little bitty body up and get comfy. 

It is amazing to me how much he has grown in the past three months. That's all it's been. Three stinking months and the boy has already almost doubled his birth weight AND rolled over! What is happening?!?! Am I always going to look at him and be in disbelief that he is mine? 

First Yawns

I like to call this "the frog"

I look at him utterly amazed that Jay and I were able to create such a magnificent creature without any well thought out effort. Even if we had tried I don't think we could have genetically engineered a more beautiful creature. This is where evolution really shines, what would life be like if all things thought their offspring were hideous. We have to know they are adorable so that we want nothing more but to take care of them. Those first few days when they want nothing more than to be held by you, ugh- nothing in the world like that feeling. Something in this world really and truly NEEDS you. Not just needs your help for something but is completely dependent on you for their survival. 

I talk to other mothers and am baffled by the amount of research and preparation they have done for their children. I went to one birthing class because it was required for me to be able to do a water birth. That's it. I didn't read any books. I didn't watch any videos. I really and truly felt that the less I knew the better. The more I thought or knew about what was going to eventually happen to my lady parts the more scared I got. I figured that in the moment my body would react just like every other woman's body in the history of things and I would just know.  

For a long time I questioned whether or not this made me a bad mom. Was I supposed to google every little thing that he did? I just didn't worry about every bump or scrape. I'm not that kind of a person in general, why would that change when he came? Plus, the last thing I want is him freaking out over every little thing as he got older. 

With time I've realized that each of us is a different mother in our own right and there is no right or wrong way to mother YOUR child. Some mothers find comfort in knowledge of what each new thing their child does means, and others delight in the the unknown of it all. I just happen to be one of the latter. I don't want to put Harvey on any sort of timeline, he will do all of the things he is "supposed" to do in his own time. And I'm more than happy to wait.