One child.
One soon to be husband.
One rental home.
Four animals.
No job.
At his point in my life I'm not exactly where I thought I would be. But I'm not dissatisfied either. We all dream of different accomplishments we will have reached by the time we are in our 20's. Of course, at the age of 15, 25 seems lifetimes away! I thought by now I would have finished college, bought my own home, been married and all sorts of other age appropriate goals. I've done a little of this whole plan backwards. I had my child before I got married and truth be told I wouldn't have it any other way. Jay and myself have done a lot of things backwards, but it seems to be how we work. We work best going against the grain, bucking trends and following our hearts.
Lately I've been feeling sorry for myself- I keep putting time limits on my dreams. I should have done this by now, or jesus why haven't I accomplished this or that. How is it that so many other people my age have done a certain thing and I can't seem to get the where with all to do it myself?
Society dictates that to be a successful adult you should have a college degee, own your own home, own your own car, and make the big bucks! What if you still don't know what you want to do as a "career" though? Then what? I really enjoy being a mother, it fills every need I have excluding bringing in a pay check. So how do I remedy this?
If there is one thing I've learned in life so far it is to dream big, and not to give up! What good does it do me to feel sorry for myself and compare my accomplishments to others? NONE! I'm being financially responsible and that means that we don't go on vacation, that we don't go out to eat, that our wedding will have foil wedding bands and handmade flowers from recycled products! And there isn't anything wrong with that! Why? Because I'm happy and I'm giving my family all of myself. I'm lucky enough to be able to do that. I'm dedicating myself to engaging with Harvey all day, by taking walks with my younger brother, by cleaning my house so that when Jay comes home we can enjoy one another.
If I'm to make my mark in this world- what better way to do it then to make a human being with excellent morals and a fantastic inner compass! I'm helping to shape a new human being for the human race! Score one for momma!
And at the end of the day, my BIG dreams don't even require that I have a college degree. College is going to teach me how be the best mother I can be. A degree isn't going to get up every morning and tend to the garden that will feed my family. A degree won't give the alpaca farm I hope to have the love it needs to thrive. A degree won't spin the wool to make the yarn that I will sell. A degree won't wake up at 6 AM to make breakfast for the guests at my bed and breakfast. A degree won't give my children the memories that our farm will. A degree won't teach my children the taste of a warm tomato from the garden. A degree won't give them the glee of a summer day with mom and dad at the zoo.
I am the best gift I could give to Harvey. My dreams are the gift I will some day give myself.
“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”
ReplyDeleteForest E. Witcraft
What you have and have always had is the home that is created no matter where you and Jay reside. Always welcoming, comfortable and loving. You also have made a difference not only in the way you have chosen to raise Harvey but also in your brothers life and in the lives of the kids at the school. You touch lives everyday without even realizing it. No you may not own a house or have a college degree but I do believe it is all for a reason - I can't see a "career" that could "fit" you. Your spirit has always been too fluid you a nurturer and life will find a place where that nurturing spirit can be used for the greater good. Harvey will benefit from the extra love as he grows the everyday guidance from his family. I wish I could have done exactly what you are doing. I applaud the sacrifices you are making to make this dream come true. I am proud of you and all you have done. From what I see it far outweighs the pieces of paper and debt on homes and college degrees that your peers may be carrying. Hold your head up you are doing life perfectly for your family.
Mom
We are the best!!!! Harvey got the best mom around!
ReplyDeleteI really can relate to what your saying. Its nice to see another mother who did the whole thing backwards & your absolutely right, there is nothing wrong with it. Being the best mom to Harvey and watching him develop is the most rewarding gift in life you'll ever recieve. It took me three years to graduate after I had Tristyn and I have faith you'll get there too. My ex best friend had her precious baby in december, since that time she has spent two months with her child. The rest of her time has been spent partying or in rehabs. Be proud that you are a good enough mother to make sacrifices for the greater good. Harvey will love you no matter what you have because you are a wonderful, loving mother who is there for him no matter what.
ReplyDeleteYou have the best job ever!
ReplyDelete